Frag-We are going to do something a bit different, today we are going to look at Holidays. And I don't mean the traditional holidays that everyone celebrates, but rather those that the reatil worker celebrates....
Fig-Having worked in retail for a few years, my favorite holiday was "Turkey Recovery Day", or Black Friday for those not playing the home game!
Frag-That explains alot! Now we will go through all of the reatil holidays starting at the beginning of the year... In January it starts with Valentines day (also known as "legalized prostitution day"). Lately it seems that the cards, and heart shaped boxes of calories have been hitting the shelf earlier than ever. I mean we don't even get done with Christmas, and the next one gets shoved down our throats.
Fig-Yea, but then we get the really fun "Musical nationalities" day...And I love the color green!!!
Frag-Yeah, but it doesn't tend to love you back! And with that we see St. Patty's morph into 4th of July right around the beginning of June, and a never ending patriotic parade of red, white and blue all swirlied together with summer colors, Labor day grilling sales and if you are really lucky... Cinco De Mayo!
Fig-The we come to the most dreaded retail holiday...Back to School! The one that everyone loves to hate!! This one starts, in most areas, around the beginning of June as well. Parents like it because it means the kids are out of the house again, and kids hate it because it means that thier days of fucking off and wasting time are over.
Frag- Directly on the heels of back to school, we have none other that the ubiquitous Fall/Halloween holiday. Orange, Browns and reds cover almost every square inch of everything just after July 4th, and hiding just behind it are all of the fake eyelashes and crappy costume kits, with a heavy dose of black grease make-up smeared on top.
Fig-Oh yes, then comes Thanksgiving and all of the posts on every social media site about how you "should be thankful everyday" and not just when the rest of your family is around and you finally have a chance to ring your cousins' neck.
Frag- And as the circle of the year draws to a close, we are back where we started, with people trampling each other for cheap merchandise and getting all butt-hurt that they didn't get the newest gadget in the color they wanted.
Fig- I am really getting tired of Holiday music in October. Don't they know that it's the wrong month??
Frag-Just keep in mind, that it is retail, and holidays in Retail do not flow by like the ones on the calendar. They show up early and decide to trample you until you submit and wind up buying bunting and punch bowls in every color of the rainbow.
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