Monday, July 8, 2013

Movie Review...Twister

Frag-Right now we are sitting in the middle of Tornado Season here in the west. It comes every year and so do the huge death spirals of air and junk. Now tornados are nothing to take lightly. They are very deadly and cause tons of property damage every year. So we are gonna pick on a movie about twisters instead.

Fig-I can't talk right now Julia, we've got cows!

Frag- The movie starts off with a family in what can only be described as a farm house in the mid-west or tornado alley. A family of 3 takes shelter in a cellar, and the father gets sucked up by the huge spinning tube of  death while trying to protect his family and hold a door shut.

Fig-It's the suck zone...

Frag-Time speed to today (or mid 1990's if you are keeping track). And the weather center is predicting the worst storm season in like forever. Our child from the first scene is all growed up and has taken the predictable career of storm chaser. She has assembled the motley crew that includes a dorky chick (our heroine can't be the only one) A guy with pretty sever OCD when it comes to his maps, some guy they nicknamed 'Preacher' (not quite sure what this one does), a goofy yet lovable nuisance named Dusty (again, not sure what he does) and a couple of others who just appear to be there for window dressing.

Fig-Enter the old/new love interest!

Frag-The hero of the movie drives his nice new truck and his even nicer new fiance out to where our group of chasers has assembled what can only be described as a tin can with flashy things. All in the name of getting the leading lady to sign divorce papers so that they can start the boring life they have dreamed of. Hero and heroine do a bit of bickering, heroine and fiance trade some barbs, then enters the Dread Pirate Roberts (or at least the guy who played him in the other movie). Words and fists are thrown about like so may cream pies, and many accusations about theft of intellectual property.

Fig-What about the twisters! I wanna hear about the action

Frag-Shut your cake hole! I am trying to give the good folks at home a good overview of this film! So lets see, so the twisters start showing up, small at first then getting bigger and bigger until you get one that decides to demolish a small town where the beloved aunt of our heroine lives and destroys her house, but leaves her really, really cool wind sculptures.

Fig- I am sure that there is a parallel here somewhere, I just can't figure it out.

Frag- So here comes the world changing idea, their flashy cans are too light to be of any use, so the less stated cast members are set to the task of cutting their fingers to ribbons to attach tin can bits to their sensors that live in the flashy cans. Oh, yeah the fiance has bailed at this point. Can't take the heat, and this just serves to reinforce that the hero and heroine are meant to be.

Fig-Can we skip the kissing parts?

Frag-Animosity aside, they try to share some information with the Dread Pirate Roberts, he shoots down their advise and ends up getting killed when his souped up Surburban is taken for a ride and smashed into the ground as what can only be described as a very, very angry god. Now we decide that this is the perfect time  to trash a perfectly good truck in some poor farmers field. Then they decide that breaking and entering is the order of they day as they try to take shelter in what looks like Jeffery Dahmers kitchen.

Fig-Are we almost done here? I have more movies to watch!

Frag-So in the end, the hero and heroine end up living through one of the most destructive forces in nature, just to start arguing over who is going to be what since they managed to get the tin can to fly.

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