Frag- Today we are going to be talking about Holidays. And I don't mean the holidays that everyone else celebrates, but rather the ones that retail workers celebrate. So we will start at the beginning of the year and try to make some sense out of the hell that is retail holidays...
Fig-My favorite has to be "Turkey Recovery Day"! This is more commonly known as "Black Friday" for those not playing the home game.
Frag-So we start with "Legalized Prostitution Day" (aka...Valentines Day). I am not even close to being recovered from my Cranberry coma when they start stocking shelves with heart shaped boxes of goo and cheesy cards.
Fig-Oh ohohoh... I like the one that comes after that one..."Musical Nationalities"! And I love the color green!
Frag-Yeah, but the green doesn't always love you back! So After the national drunk fest that is St. Pattys, then we enter the era of patriotic holidays, you get covered in so much red, white and blue that you think those are the only colors that exist anymore. Add in the Memorial Day grilling sales, and if you are really lucky you get to add a strong dose of Cinco De Mayo into the mix.
Fig-Yeah, but the holiday everyone loves to hate is up next...Back to School! Parents love it because the kids are out of the house again, and kids hate it because they have to go back to school. Binders and pencils as far as the eye can see!
Frag-Moving out of the "Mandatory holiday" we move right into "Yet another reason my daughter can dress like a hooker day". Perusing all of the costumes and accessories this year, I was not able to find one that I would feel comfortable letting my daughter wear out of the house. Damn good thing I have a son!
Fig-But some of you...you know who you are... yes craft stores, I am looking at you...Just bypass the last one all together and move on to "Hannakwanzayulemass", or the more politically correct "winter celebration". But as you know if you have read any of this before, we are not politically correct here.
Frag-The winter season is the biggest shopping season, so it is easy to see why retailers put forth so much effort to get you to buy stuff that the rest of the year you are perfectly fine without. This is the season of binge and purge spending. Buy all of the shit that you think someone may like and if you are lucky, you won't get stuck Wit ugly dinner plates and a sweater you are allergic to.
Fig-*singing* It's the circle of life! And it moves in all things*
Frag-And finally sandwiched in between all of these massive retail undertakings, we have the little known "bring your crap back" day. These are where everyone gets to celebrate by standing in line and meeting more people who's friends and relatives don't actually listen to them.
Fig- We hope you have enjoyed our time together today, and we hope to see you back again soon!
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