Black Friday Shopping...

Hell, I figure that all of the retail giants are already talking about Black Friday, so I will give you guys a bit of a leg up.

Frag-"Well, we are back at one of the most hectic and stressful times of the year. So this year we are happy to present you with some helpful tips to allow you to get the most out of this wonderful season."

Fig-"Oh yes...leftover turkey sandwiches!" *does the snoopy dance*

Frag-"Today's subject is how to successfully shop on Black Friday. For all of you who get the Friday off after thanksgiving, it is the biggest shopping day of the year. It has become one of the biggest, most terrifying days in a retail clerks life. They get to deal with angry customers, dumb questions and short breaks."

Fig-"So are we shopping on black Friday?" Because I have the shoulder pads and the shin guards all lined up. I even touched up the paint!"

Frag-"You can go shopping if you want to, but I will be among one of the several over worked register monkeys on Friday. So here are 10 tips to help the poor retail worker while you are out indulging in low prices and long lines."

Frag-"Tip 1: If you know that all of the big box stores are going to be filled to capacity with people hung over on cranberry sauce and stuffing, go to the smaller local stores and get your small special stuff first!"

Fig-"Tip 2: If you feel the need to go to a huge store for that shirt that is going to be uber cheap, you can't go wrong with simple body checks to get to the rack."

Frag-"Tip 3: Park as far away from the front of the store as possible. This will give you a head start as people circle the lot in their SUV's looking for a place to park."

Fig-"Tip 4: Make a list of who you need to buy gifts for ahead of time and if you are on a budget, give each person a dollar amount."

Frag-"Tip 5: Make sure you have your credit card out when you get to the register. Clerks really like it when people are ready to go. This allows them to help the maximum amount of people per hour."

Fig-"Tip 6: Do not, I repeat DO NOT talk on your cell phone while a clerk is trying to help you. I don't care if you forgot Uncle Eddys favorite brand of underwear, this is just plain rude."

Frag-"Tip 7: If you add a simple pair of steel toed boots to your shopping wardrobe, you can avoid the pain of having a 4 inch stiletto heel jammed into your foot!"

Fig-"Tip 8: Remember, old people move slower. If you can maintain a brisk pace, you can beat them to the register!"

Frag-" Tip 9: With all of the kids running loose in the stores, remember to shuffle your feet. That will help to push them out of the way and allow you to gain access to the toy sections."

Fig-" Tip 10: Please be nice to the clerks. Most of them are doing this so they can survive. They don't need some soccer mom yelling at them because they don't have neon purple mary janes in Suzy's size."

Frag-"And please dear people, be nice to each other!"