The 'New' Urban Dictionary

Frag-Today we are going to look at some of the odd ball bits of language that have been popping up lately. You know what I mean, LOL and netspeak, those strange and yet undefinable measurements such as butt-ton, and finally the total degradation of our language due to cats.

Fig-I can has a vowel??

Frag-So we will start with the most basic netspeak that I can remember right now..
1. LOL-Laugh out Loud, or I can't think of anything else to say.
2.ROTFLMAO-Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off...I really think what you said was that funny, or I am trying to show off my mad typing skills...
3.FTW-For the Win- This is used when something is really really cool, or when people think they are cool.
4. FML-Fu*k My Life--Usually used when the fit hits the shan, more often than not when people want attention. Also great for kids to drop the F bomb with out getting busted by adults!

Fig-Okay, so that's what all of those mean! I thought they were just random bits of text caused by cats. I mean you said we were gonna talk about cats!

Frag- We'll get to the cats in a bit. Now, have you ever wondered exactly how much a metric butt-ton is? I think we have the volume finally figured out. Now if you'll follow me here...we have 1 metric butt-ton, which is equivalent to approx 2.2 ass-tons US. one ass-ton is equal to about 5 ginormus bins, each bin is equal to about 6 OMG full bags of stuff...or you can cut out all of the conversions, and just figure that it roughly is the amount of crap that comes out of a teenagers backpack at the end of the school year.

Fig-I always wondered if there was a term for the stuff that manages to accumulate in a locker, or would that be similar to the backpack crap?

Frag-I think they are about the same. Somehow backpacks and lockers manage to warp space and time in order to be able to hold all of that stuff.

Fig-Can we talk about cats now?

Frag-Okay, fine. There seems to be a disturbing lack of proper spelling and vowel usage circulating the 'net right now. I blame the cats. Sure the pictures are cute and all, but the fact that these adorable fur balls have managed to convince us to use fragmented sentences, and horrific spelling is something that we should all be ashamed of. They have gotten us to turn a blind eye to the glaring, and often hard to understand LOL-speak.

Fig-LOL-speak?

Frag-Yes, LOL-speak. It is more insidious then we could ever imagine. Every day, with every LOL...it sneaks into our grammar and proceeds to bite and twist and destroy the drapes...It digs it's claws into the soft flesh that is proper verb usage, and leaves slimy little gifts in our nouns...We must all be on our guard...

Fig-It's sounds horrible! I mean all those cute little kittens! Won't somebody think of the kittens????

Frag-Oh, don't let their cute little faces and those adorable little ears fool you...There is a cat lobby that is right now, at this very moment plotting, and scheming to deliver the final coup de gras...reverting our spelling to fonics...It is a very dark time indeed.