I freakin' love Halloween. It has to be one of my favorite time of the year. The weather has cooled off, the leaves are turning, and all the graveyards have extra security. Unfortunately the last few years since I have moved into my house, this, my most venerated holiday, has become a gigantic pain in the ass. Now I know what you might be thinking, it's not the decorations, it's not the bags of candy, nor the pumpkin guts. It's the people in my neighborhood.
The first year I lived in my house, I dressed up and stood on my porch handing out candy. I had parents with new-born babies telling me that the candy was for the baby. Now normally you will get one or 2 of these a night. Not in my neighborhood. They seem to out number the kids in costumes at least 2 to 1. Okay, I can still deal, but at least put forth some kind of effort! All I ask is you make an attempt at a costume. Hell, just put on a wig or do your hair. Next we have the teenagers who wear street clothes. Really, I mean come on! This is the one time of the year when you can do crazy shit and no one can say otherwise. But even on Halloween, I still don't want to see your underwear. But the initial event that made me start to cringe when the leaves started turning was this, a group of kids about 8 come to my door, not so unusual, but it was 11:00pm. Yep, way the fuck after regulation trick or treat hours.
The next year went pretty much the same, only now there was a fresh group of parents with babies, the teens are still showing off their terrible taste in underwear, and candy wrappers all over my yard. And still the determined kids trying to squeeze every drop of free processed sugar out of our neighborhood. It was after the second year when I decided to take my son to my parents house to do his legalized extortion. We had a blast and rolled home about 9:00pm and before we could even get our coats off, there was a gaggle of kids at my door. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I was trained at an early age that you didn't go to houses when the porch light was off, something about being grabbed by the creep in the dark, but that doesn't stop anyone in my 'hood. Hell, if you bathroom light is on and they can see it from the alley, you are fair game.
Last year was my last straw with my favorite holiday. I had a small pumpkin patch in my front yard. I spent all summer babying and coddling my one pumpkin that decided it wanted a chance at life, only to have it ripped from the vine weeks before it was ready to be carved. I actually cried. I was broken, and had lost my faith in my fellow humans. This, combined with past history has made this day a reason for me to be anywhere but home. And it breaks my heart. I don't like not giving out candy on Halloween, but until I can find something else, I may just have to make other plans.
I think next year I will give out Japanese snack crackers...you know the kind wrapped in dried seaweed...if you can't be bothered to be respectful to others, then can you really be bothered to read a label in a different language?
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