Boredom...

I know things get tired and boring. I know that people, as much as they say they don't mind change, actually hate it. I realize that people have lives that may or may not include everyone they have ever met. But what I don't get is when people feel the need to start drama. Life is a fluid creature. It changes, it evolves, it devolves and it moves in really strange ways.

But if you are so bored that you need to focus your attention on a few people, then you need to find a freakin' hobby. I guess I should feel honored that I can spend months doing nothing at all and still be a topic of conversation.  But damn, if you're gonna talk about me give me a heads up so that I can do something cool.

A few days ago, I had another strange encounter with a very bored person. Wolf and I had gone to our regular grocery store to pick up a few items, and within 10 seconds of entering the store, we had a security guard following us at a not-so-discreet distance. He followed us through the whole store. I wanted to go an ask him what he found so damn interesting about us, seeing as we were shopping. I held my inner bitch in check and we went on our way. As I was mulling over the experience in my mind I came to the conclusion that the guy that was following us was on a power trip, and bored.

Now one bored person isn't that bad. But when you get a group of bored people, then shit starts getting interesting. It doesn't take very long for a rumor to spread, and it takes even less time for people to start forming negative opinions. Those start to spread like a cancer. And a lot of people will take those rumors at their word, rather than seek the truth. Why? Because it is more interesting to hear the over-blown, made-up, fictional tales. It alleviates the boredom and makes life seem a little less dull, or shitty because now things are happening to others and not to them. Add a sense of entitlement, some misguided philosophies, and you have any large group of people that have spent a fair amount of time together.

Throw in some alcohol and you've got a party!

Oops

So I had this great holiday post planned, almost finshed, and I closed the window. So I am not going to try and remember what I had typed. At least not after a bottle of mead.

So all you guys are gonna get is happy -what ever you celebrate, be nice to each other and try to pick a new years resolution that you actually have a chance of following.

Ramenoodlekwanahansmass!

Frag-Meppy Ramenoodlekwanahansmass!

Fig-You, uh, wanna run that one by me again?

Frag-It's Hannakwanzayulemass!

Fig-Okay, explain yourself.

Frag-"ell since it is getting closer to the major winter holiday season, I figured I would try to find a greeting that would not offend anyone.

Fig-How could a holiday greeting offend anyone?

Frag-I guess it's because people feel the need to carry any banner they can find at this point and the banner of offense is by far the easiest to pick up and run with. Hell, say 'Merry Christmas' to anyone and you run the risk of offending them.

Fig-I still don't understand. Your telling me that people have thrown out the true meaning (of which there are many) of the season just to be offended by semantics.

Frag-Unfortunatly, yes. I can remember when it didn't matter what religion you followed, it was the thought that counted. So in the spirit of being as inclusive as possible without having to take a breath half-way through my greeting, I have adopted 'Ramenoodlekwanahansmass' for all of the various winter holidays celebrated this time of the year.

Fig-Okay, I think I've got it! Mappy chunnkwzayolkmas!...Meppy hunkamasyulkwaz...Merpy kwazyolhannamas..."

Frag-Your almost there! Just remember people, it's not the words that you use, but the thought that counts!

FIG & FRAG - MEPPY Ramenoodlekwanahansmass!!

I am not cut out for this...

I hate the cold. I hate the cold all most as much as I hate doing my taxes. And so far there is only one thing I can fix. Yep, I can pay someone to do my taxes.

I bring this up today not because it is winter and we need more things to complain about, but because I have no heat in my truck and I have no heat at work right now either. So I am a meat popsicle. But times like this get me wondering, what did people do before forced air heating? And I know people are going to say wood burning stoves, I have done my time with those as well. I learned to cook on one. But before that, what did people do?

They moved! Back in the day before we humans became domesticated, we got our shit together and moved to warmer climes when winter showed up. They didn't have to worry about their appendages freezing off. It really kinda stinks that we have put down the roots that we have. We can't just pack everything up and pick a direction and start walking. Nope. Why? Because we have this huge things that are almost impossible to move. We have built houses and buildings that keep us stuck in one place. Now I am not saying that life was easier before buildings, or heat. Just different. Before we had desk jobs, we were more active and able to keep warmer easier.

Maybe. It could all just be me thinking that since it is cold right now, and I am not comfortable, that life before modern conveniences was better. Maybe it is just the fact that my neurons aren't firing right because I can't feel my ears. I am having to re-train my fingers to type in gloves. And I can't hear the phone over the space heater that rattles like it is about to die.

On the bright side, our office heat will be fixed this afternoon, and I have many many layers...

Because the Internet said so!

I love the 'net. I love it like a fat kid loves Twinkies. It is a weakness. It is an addiction. It is a fantastically fuckered up home for disinformation. There is so much information clogging up the fiber-optic arteries, that it is hard to filter the legit info from the rest. And social networking is one of the biggest culprits of churning the rumor mill.

All it takes is someone putting a link on their page, especially if it has to do with kids or animals, and it's like someone yelled fire in a theater. People panic. People take sides, people debate how the current economic climate is affecting people's ability to rationalize what color socks they wear in the morning. People hijack debates and lob subject grenades with wild abandon. People get fired up, and angry.

People don't check their facts. People don't think before they post on someones wall. People take things so far out of context that they aren't even playing the same game anymore. For example, there was a picture of a dog that was being restrained by a police officer in a very harsh way. This caused a blow up and people were all up in arms about the cop's action. What the picture didn't show...the dog that was being restrained, had a history of biting people, including it's owner, and was actively attacking the police officer.

Then there was the story of the kid who was shot by his brother. Yep, you guessed it. Just a meme. And right now with all of the country keeping a partial eye on the Occupy Movement, it seems that people are way more trigger happy with their opinions then they were before the whole social networking thingy.

Then we have Wikipedia. The bane of teachers and fact checkers everywhere.  A while ago someone had change the name of a parent of a rather famous person who was in the news recently, and a news reporter had gone with the wrong name.


It must be true. It was on the Internet

How can you expect me to be responsible?

I was listening to the radio this morning. I tend to listen to talk radio when I am on my way to work in the morning. I do this so that I can get my blood pumping and get warmed up since the heater in my truck isn't working right now. More often than not I hear things that make me wonder 'Who in this fresh hell thought that was a good idea?' and I also hear strange ideas that may not always mesh with mine. Those are fine and good. They give me something to ponder during the day. But then I hear something that just sticks in my craw all day. And it drives me batty.

Today, as I listened to the radio they played an audio clip. This one was from a 30-something woman with 15, yes, 15 freakin' kids. Her voice, filled with a hint of anger, serenaded me from the speakers in the door in my truck. She is in the news, or should I say on the radio because her 'baby daddy' got his ass arrested for selling drugs, and she has had to figure out a way to care for 12 of her 15 kids. According to her, she has been to every agency, and asked for every kind of help available. But they won't give her anything. And on top of all this, she wants, begs and pleads, through my 4 inch speakers, 'who is gonna pay for my pain and suffering?'

My jaw hit the bottom of the steering wheel. I was listening to this lady who has had more kids than the Octo-mom, bitch and moan about taking care of them. I could hear the demand in her voice. She wants someone else to pay for her to raise her spawn. No. Shit. I had to listen as they re-played the clip. I wanted to make sure that I was hearing things right. She was demanding to know who was going to compensate her for her pain and suffering.

I think after having 15 kids, she wouldn't feel much pain. Then I thought, damn, this woman is about my age, and I know that things are kinda crappy right now, but I am not demanding that anyone pay anything for me. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't turn away money if someone decided to give me some, but I don't expect a pile of $100's on my porch when I wake up in the morning. There is a reason that I only have one child. It was all I could freakin' afford! I also realize that with some people they have lots of kids for cultural or religious reasons. Let's look at that shall we? In the time before the industrial revolution, disease and infant mortality was sky high. People had lots of kids, and were hedging their bets that at least a few of their offspring would survive to carry on the family name.

What's the excuse now? You didn't figure out what caused that the first time? If your religious views forbid any type of birth control, then lay off the sex, or lay off the religion! I was raised to believe that the world didn't owe me a damn thing, and if I wanted something, then I either had to save the money to get it, or I had to do without. That is how I am raising my son. But my heart goes out, not to the adult in this situation, but to the kids. They are in a terrible position. They are learning that if you don't want to do something, then all you have to do is complain loud enough and someone may take care of you. There is no incentive to learn how to handle money, or even learn personal responsibility.

More now than ever, I hear these types of crazy. I see people who don't feel they need to work and things should be handed to them. It's kinda like a rich kid who gets kicked out of the house. They don't know better, but they expect things to be just the way they were when they were at home. And given these examples, I am so glad that I was raised to be responsible for myself and my actions. But I do worry about those who aren't going to have the chance to learn those lessons. And I hope that our society will encourage the learning of those lessons rather than enabling the lack of responsibility.

70 years, and what has changed?

70 years ago today, one of the most devastating attacks was carried out on American soil. For many it was labeled the 'Day of Infamy'. It drug us kicking and screaming into World War 2. When we got there, we kicked ass. We were the kid who didn't start the fight, but we sure as hell finished it. The generation that was called upon to fight in the Second World War was ever after known as the 'greatest generation'. During the war, people had to choose. They had to make sure that they saved resources such as tires and sugar. Women went to work in factories, making planes and muntitions for the war. People pulled together to make sure that our country could finish any task set before us. Victory gardens and war bonds were common place.

Today we live in a very different America. Today we live in a time when communication is as fast as someone can type. We live in an age when people purposely mess with facts on the internet just to see if anyone is paying attention. We have passed the age of Baby Boomers and we have become the Bullshit generation. We no longer get our title of Gen X. And the generation after us is so filled with apathy, that they will be know as the "I don't care, just give it to me" generation. We have gone from those once noble ideas, and we have become complacent and bored.

We are living longer than ever, and we are bitching about more stuff than every before. With cell phones, tablets, PDA's and the 'net, we have moved away from our fellow countrymen. The anonimity that technology offers us, has taught us that we no longer have to watch out for our neighbor. It has taught us that we can speak freely and act like total assholes to the person on the other end of the conversation. Now while I wasn't around 70 years ago, I was around 20 years ago before the proliferation. Just at the begining of the Technical Revolution. I do miss the days when I was able to leave the house and only have to worry about where I was going.

So given the fact that things have changed a lot in the last 70 years, I would like to say thank you to those who fought in World War 2, and I would like to extend my thanks to those who continue to fight to protect the American way of life and our ability to totally screw it up.

The new "Grinch"

Okay, my last post was about how I like to do good things, and how some people just suck. Well here is another example.

I follow Regretsy. It is another blog. It is for all of us craftards out there. They feature some truly hideous stuff. They also do a metric ass ton of good things. They run a monthly program where they can help an Etsy artist in need of money for things like surgery or rent. I love that site. I like the community, and I adore what they are doing. So this year when they announced that they were gonna do a toy drive for Regretsy kids. You could nominate your own family or someone else's. I chose to nominate someone else's kids for toys. All was well and awesome, until today.

Enter the Grinch...

Paypal. The site that you love to hate. I know many people use it simply because it is the biggest and the most convenient. Well what I have to say may change your mind about that. This giant of the payment processing, has decided that Regretsy can no longer use the 'Donate' button and forced the lady who runs the site to refund hundreds of $2 donations. But here is the really shitty part. Paypal kept a portion of the donations when they were made, and they kept a portion when the donations were refunded. Yeah for double dipping. That alone was enough to make my skin crawl, but on top of that, they have now decided that Regretsy can't even use the 'Purchase' or 'Buy Now' buttons and have frozen their account.

All over rules that make Calvin Ball seem simple. See according to Paypal, you can accept donations for a worthy cause like, oh let's say, a sick cat. But you cannot accept donations for poor kids. Apparently their ability to speak has removed them as viable candidates for charity. Within hours of this hitting the Regretsy site, Paypals facebook page was covered in comments about how much ass they are sucking right now. I have even seen other sites that are devoting space to this issue. I think that it is worthy of attention as well.

Lately it seems as though people around the holidays have lost their damn minds. People have gotten rude, they have quit paying attention to anything that has to do with someone else. And I know that companies are coming out of the woodwork this time of year, looking for money, but those who want to contribute should have a say in where they can contribute, and I don't think that any payment processing place should have a say in what goes where. They make their money by moving money, but in this case they managed to triple dip a charitable cause.

As I finish writing this, Paypal had un-frozen the account, and has given a half-assed apology along with what I am sure will be an only slightly compensatory donation for all of the grief they caused.

I still don't believe they have grown a heart.

Feeling Charitable?

So last year I had this idea. I had some old brass shell casings rolling around in my junk drawer. I came up with the plan to make jewelry out of them. And then I decided that I would donate half of whatever they sold for to a program that help troops when they return home from deployment. It quickly took over a large portion of my heart. I was proud and happy with what I was working on. The jewelry came out well, and people liked it.

So when someone came by the booth to look at the jewelry, I would give them the spiel, I would talk about the materials and I would tell them that half of each item went to a program that helps our troops. People seemed to like that. but they didn't buy a whole lot. So I decided that I would try an experiment. I wouldn't tell them that half went to a charity, and I would see if that made a marked difference. It didn't seem to. So then I went onto the next logical thing. I opened a store on Etsy. Complete with a bio and what I was doing and the whole shebang.

That was back in April of this year. So about 8 months ago. So far I haven't had one sale. I have had lots of hits, but no sales. I can't seem to figure it out. I know that most of my friends who read this are local and buy from me at shows (thanks by the way), so I know they don't use Etsy, but come on. 8 months and not one taker. It's getting frustrating. So I think-how can I make this work better.

Facebook. I started a facebook page. I put up pictures, I sent out invites, I posted information on where I was going to be and where the next show was. I figured that I have over 200 people on my page alone, I should be able to get at least 100 people who were interested. Nope. I got 30. Now I realize that the 30 are the Die Hard facebookers who check on a regular basis. So okay, I can deal with that. But I thought, I still need to do more.

CraigsList. Those 2 little words that fill sane people with fear. I figured that I could maybe get a few more hits, maybe I could find more people who wanted to get rid of some old broken brass that they couldn't use. Hell, I thought that maybe I could squeak a sale or 2 out of it. Nope. What did I get? I got flaggers. I didn't even get those who wanted discounts because the economy sucks and they lost their job last week, and are still driving around in their Land Rovers. I was expecting at least a few of those. Nope. I got assholes.

Now for those of you who don't use Craigslist on a regular basis, flaggers are like the cops. Anyone can flag a post, and some of those do deserve it. I can even see why a few of mine got nailed. But when I went to the forum to find out why my posts were flagged, I learned that people on Craigslist are assholes. I went with a simple question, and got some good advice, then the 'Internet Gestapo' decided to show up. I was nice until someone accused me of scamming people for 'precious metals'. I was unaware that brass had moved that far up the scale. I was still under the 'brass is a base metal' thought pattern. Shit, maybe the economy is even further in the hole than I thought.

Now I did get a few people who want to trade some pieces that I made for used brass. And that is way cool. So I do have to say Thank You to those who want to help a good cause. You have made a very big difference. To those who had to be dicks, I say, have fun in your little playground. You can go be the self-imposed kings of the classifieds, just don't expect me to bow down when you decide to be an ass.

I know you can, But will you?

Frag-Today I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. As many of you may know, the lady who owns us, tends to make a lot of crap. Mainly jewelry and other little bits of portable art work. And lately I have noticed that she is getting crankier about her stuffs. Not about making her stuffs, no, about selling her stuffs. She likes it when people decide to buy a bit of her art, and it really makes her happy when someone loves a piece of her art.

Fig-Okay, I fail to see what the problem is. I mean if it makes her happy then all is good right? She'll still let us out to play, right?

Frag-She will let us out to play no matter what, but we get to have the most fun when she is happy. So that brings me back to the original topic. Our fellow resident/owner likes to do craft fairs and shows and what not. So last year she booked us solid. One event after another, we barely had time to breath.

Fig-Oh yeah, I remember those! All the unpacking and repacking, all the organizing and stuff. It was a pain in the ass! I always got stuck untangling chains or working the lint roller.

Frag-I was in charge of trying to make everything fit in a space that was way too small, or maybe she just has too much shit. Anyway, for the most part these events were fun, but there was one common problem with all of them.

Fig-Yeah, not many people bought anything. They all had a great time looking, but alas, their wallets stayed firmly attached to their asses, or buried in purses.

Frag-There was that too, no I am talking about a more annoying problem. And I think that anyone else who makes stuff to try and sell has run into the same problem. And the bitch of the matter is, is that there is really no way to combat, or even fix the problem.

Fig-Okay, now you have me really confused. What the hell are you talking about? Wind? Rain? The forgotten bit of rope?

Frag-Nope. I wish I could say that this problem was in the realm of mother nature, or even in our lady's frazzled mind. No, sadly this has to do with other people. And all of you who have ever done a show has run into these people there. They are the "Hey, great idea! I can do that too!" people.

Fig-Oh, those ones.

Frag-Yep. These are the ones that manage to suck the fun out of the whole thing, and make me want to jump across the table and kick the crap out of them.

Fig-I hear ya. Those ones bite. Big time.

Frag-Now we realize that any time you make something and post pictures on the Internet, then you have to expect people to steal your designs or your artwork. But it is more frustrating to have these people tell you to your face that while your stuff is awesome and all, that they can do it too.

Fig-It would be different if they actually bought something...

Frag-It would be, I will give you that. And I know it really bugs her. To the point of wanting to give up sometimes. But she just keeps going, hopeful that those that really appreciate her stuff will continue to buy a piece here and there. So she keeps coming up with new ideas, and new projects, some of which can use what she already has, but somethings require a bit more stuff.

Fig-I think I see the problem. I am just not sure how to go about fixing it. Maybe a sign? Maybe something just totally different, or maybe people should just quite being asses.

Frag- I would like it if the last option were possible, but I don't think so. People are people and some have less social grace than others. So given the fact that people are people, and won't ever change, we will leave you with these parting words today.

Fig-We know that you are talented, we know that you can do everything we can do, and yes we even know that we have great ideas. But for the love of all that is unholy...Keep your mouth shut in front of the people who sell their handmade stuff at shows! For all of our fellow crafters out there, keep it up, and don't mind those who tell you they can do it too.

Frag-Because more often than not, those who say they can do it, won't.

A wholly terrifying experience..

I am going to tell you about one of the most freaky, terrifying experiences that I have ever had. Now what I am about to share is not fiction. It is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for anyone who has heart problems, pregnant, or seizure disorders. It has haunted me like my own personal ghost. It travels with me where ever I go. It follows like my shadow, always attached and yet it vanishes when I look for it. Yet it is one of those life experiences that everyone should avoid if they can. But most of us can't.

I think that most people have shared this problem, and I also think that most people don't even realize that they have this issue. This affects everyone from the 99% all the way up the food chain to the 1%. From kids in school to those in the workforce. So many have seen this, yet so many remain in the dark. I get the shivers even now, thinking about it. I get goose bumps, and the hair on the back of my neck starts to stand up, the way it does before a thunder storm.

You see when I had one of these terrifying experiences, I was in school. It was at the taxpayer funded daycare. I came to a realization. I had figured out that most of what people say is complete and utter bullshit. And it scared me. I wanted to believe in people. I wanted to be able to trust their words. I wanted them to tell me the truth. And I wanted just the facts. And then it happened. I noticed that if I asked the same question to 5 different people, I got 5 different answers. I couldn't understand why people would tell me different things, why they just couldn't give me the facts. Until I started looking deeper at people. It was then I realized that people really had no regard for anyone other than their family groups.

And at that time, I knew fear. I was frightened to think that I couldn't trust the average person on the street to tell me the truth. And then I started paying attention to politics. I listened as they said nothing. Just little bits that sounded good to keep the masses entertained. There is a reason that they take 5 minutes to answer a damn question. It is to throw you off guard and forget what the heart of the matter is. The people who are driving the bus can't seem to answer a simple question with a simple answer. If you ask one of them what they had for breakfast, it would turn into a diatribe on what they ate as kids.

It was then that I got scared.

Black Friday...Do you really need cheap stuff?

Look around you. Take a good long look, how much stuff do you have? How much room for more stuff do you have? Now I would like you to sit and think for a minute. How much stuff do you really need? As I have gained years, I have noticed that I have way to much stuff. I am entering a stage of de-shitification. I am trying to thin out the amount of stuff that I have. So when this time of year rolls around, then I begin to wonder if maybe I don't need more stuff. I mean all I am told by various media outlets is exactly what I need to buy this time of year. According to the few commercials I actually get to see when I watch the news, I need a new truck, but I am screwed if I didn't get a new Buick for Christmas. And apparently I also need new Internet service, and cooking implements that are strangely only available, or have any real use this time of year.

So last week, I heard that there was a lady camped outside of Best Buy. By today, she'll have spent 9 days waiting for her shot at buying more stuff. Today I was watching the news and someone got happy with the pepper spray in a Walmart, and there was a shooting outside of another one. Now don't get me wrong, I like to shop. I like to buy things. I like to buy things all year. But it seems as though we are being conditioned, like a Pavlovian pooch, that we must all venture out today to shop, to get things that we can buy any other time of the year.

As an interesting fact, were you aware that "Black Friday" only really came on the scene in the1980's? Normally the term "Black-Anything" is meant to portray a dark time in history. Like when the freakin' stock market crashed. I don't buy the whole "It's when all of the businesses make money for the first time during the year" pile. Why? Because it is a piss poor business plan to operate at a loss for all but 1 month out of the year. Small business can attest to this. If they operate at a loss and have no money coming in, then they close down the business. I can also tell you that there in no way that all of the huge chains run like that.

I have also decided that there in no way in Hell that I am dragging my butt out of my warm bed and turkey coma in order to freeze said butt off just for a few bucks off of some stuff that I normally wouldn't buy. Now for the last few years, I have been giving out small hand-made gifts to my friends and family. I do this in part because I love making things with my hands that I can give to someone else and they can love it just as much, if not more. It seems to me that those are more treasured by people than the sweater they had to beat someone up for. Now maybe I am just jaded, but I value my sanity way more than cheap stuff.

I have nothing against people who want to shop today. I will venture out here in a few hours and go to one store to get some art supplies for my fiberglass cat that I am painting. Then I am coming home and cleaning. But I want you all to think of all of the retail employees who had to work late last night or early today. Cut them some slack, they are there because they have to be if they want to keep their job.

Tis the season...

Frag-Of obnoxious commercials!! We have decided, we are going to start a new, uh, tradition? Yeah, I think that's right...We are going to be looking at the best and the worst commercials! So I was watching the news this morning and I saw no less than 30 commercials about holiday shopping and Black Friday.

Fig-I liked the one with the, uh, um, I think it had a guy with a beard? Or maybe it was a deer? Oh boy I can't remember!

Frag-So I would like to start with one of the worst holiday commercials I think I have seen. It belongs to Kohls. The scene opens on a young lady who has been waiting outside of the store for who knows how long, and then she precedes to happily sing her way into the store, pushing past an elderly lady, and swiping something out of someone else's cart. All the while singing to a point of distraction, so hopefully you won't notice her being a complete and total bitch to everyone else who braved the psycho masses just to save a few bucks.

Fig-Yeah, Last time I tried to take something out of someones cart, security got called and there were rubber gloves involoved...*shivers*

Frag-Next on the list is the Colorado gives commercials. I like what they are trying to do, but I think there is a better way then encouraging illegal dumping and parking like an idiot. Like one day, and maybe $10 will make up for a year of being a total douche. If people really wanted to be decent, they would do it year 'round.

Fig-I like the talking M & M's! I love it when Santa faints!

Frag-Moving on...I am also trying to figure out who it was that decided that every frickin commercial had to be musical? I am getting kinda tired of 20 something hipsters prancing through malls trying to persuade you to spend your hard earned dollars somewhere else. It's your money, you should be able to spend it where ever the hell you please.

Fig- But don't you like the Small Business Saturday Commercials?

Frag- I do like those, but then again I am biased, working for and with small businesses, anything that helps our country's small businesses is worth it. I like the fact that now all of the smaller businesses have a voice in the overwhelming cacophony that is the Holiday Advertising Season.

Fig-So what's the deal with Santa? I mean most rational, sane adults don't believe that he exists, so why is he one of the most over used advertising icons? And why is it okay to pretend to be a better person one month out of the whole year?

Frag-Those are very valid questions! First I think that the old guy with the beard is over used simply because he is recognizable. We have been battered with images of the fat guy with the bushy beard ever since we were old enough to notice that he tended to show up once a year and leave us crap.  It is a mechanism that adults can use to get kids to behave at least once a year. It removes a large chunk of parental responsability. It's not the parents who are going to screw you over if you are bad, it is the fat guy who knows exactly what you did in the second grade...

Fig-So what you're saying is that the whole 'be good for christmas' thingy is just so kids will behave? What happens when the kids grow up?

Frag-They write crappy commercials...

Ganks Thiving....

Fig-"As everyone sits down to the table this week to consume large amounts of sedative-laced fowl, Frag and I would like to wish everyone a Happy Turkey Day!"

Frag-"Hey quit hogging the cranberry sauce! That being said, I would just like to remind everyone that just because most people get the day off of work, and get to stuff themselves to the point of bursting, everyone should be thankful all year 'round for all the things in their life both good and bad."

Fig-"Great there's no stopping now!"

Frag-"Hey don't you start! Please pass the stuffing. As I was saying...There should not only be one day a year when people think about being thankful. It should be something that people carry all year. A lot of people don't take the time to slow down and smell the roses. I know I didn't until earlier this year. It took a sad event to make me stop and pay attention to what I have in life, the ups and downs, the late night phone calls, the company of good friends, and the quirks of family."

Fig-*hangs up cell phone* "Ya know your right. I have never thought of it that way before. I will make a Turkey Day resolution! I will not answer every single call just because the phone rings! I will not stress myself out about being a minute late and I will try my best to look at everything and be thankful for the lessons, both good and bad that crop up in my life!"

Frag-"Pass the bird, man! Hey sounds good. Let's Eat!!!"

Fig & Frag-"Happy Thanksgiving, Turkey Day, or whatever you want to call it!"

Today sucks...

Okay, today was shitty. I don't know what it was about this particular today, I have had plenty of todays that were not nearly as craptastic. I think that this today planned it's attack months ago. I can see it just sitting there, plotting and planning, thinking...'How can I be the worst today possible? How many little problems can I come up with just to mess with you?' Damn, I knew this would happen. I had a feeling that it was lurking in the shadows just waiting to attack.

So I have decided...I am not going to let today be anymore of an ass. I am done. Today can kiss my big fat toe. Today can take the plan and shove it. Once today is gone, it is gone for good. There will be no more today until tomorrow. Then I can deal with the bully that is tomorrow. Tomorrow tends to stick to the shadows, just out of reach. Kinda like the boogey man. You know it's in your closet, or under the bed, but you can never seem to catch the slimy little fucker. The only thing worse is when yesterday joins the fray. That gritty, pours through your fingers, sandy, fragmented memory of what was...

Yesterday is when everyone wishes they were. Yesterday is always better than today will ever be. And tomorrow, well shit, tomorrow is what everyone always hopes will be the best. Yesterday gives us lessons and plans, and sometime really shitty food that we spend today paying for. So, yeah, I guess yesterday is kinda a dick too.

I just wish that the three of them wouldn't gang up on me...

Christmas in July...

Maybe you have noticed, maybe you haven't, maybe you live under a rock. But the holiday shopping season is getting earlier and earlier every year. Before long we will be pressured into shopping for next year on Christmas eve. I was kinda surprised when I went into a craft store in July and they already had christmas crap layed out. I can let that go, I mean as a crafter myself, I have to start planning earlier than most, what I am going to give out for the Holidays. July, really??

I am not a fan of the over commercialization of the season. I think that it should be about spending time with family and friends. It has been pounded into our heads that we have to get things for the holidays, and we have to give better than we get. This means that a ton of you bastards are taking out loans just to buy crap that people aren't going to remember 2 months later. I hate the fact that people feel the need to trample other members of our species for intelligent bits of plastic. I don't like the fact that businesses feel the need to open in the middle of the night so people can cram into their stores and buy smelly bath sets.

I am one of those strange people. I tend to make my presents every year. I do buy a few things because nothing says "Thanks for pushing me out of your vagina" like another set of ornaments. But I like to think of who I am making gifts for. I like to envision that person when I go nuts with glitter and glue. And I love to see thier faces when they get a gift of art for a present. Those slippers pale in comparison. I don't want huge over-priced crap for the holidays. I want to be able to spend time with my friends and family, and pig out on the food that everyone only makes once a year.

Honor thy....Um, Can't think of it...

So I have been thinking. I know, I know, that means that somewhere a smoke detector is going off. But things have been strange lately. I hear what people are saying, but I am not convinced that they believe half of what they are spouting. There are very few who speak with any type of passion or any true sincerity. It seems that they are just paying lip service to those they think want to hear it.

I hear talk of Honor and Respect, but actions will always speak louder than words. How can one expect others to follow what they say when they can't keep their own life straight. I know I have issues with my life right now, but I am also not telling anyone else that I am a great example. Hell, I am the last person anyone should want to emulate right now. I have too much crap to get rid of, and too many hobbies, and nowhere near enough time for yard work. But when I say I am going to do something, I make sure I get it done. I don't blow people off, and I don't like it when people blow me off.

We have come to live in the land of half-hearted promises, where people use words to get reactions, yet don't prove that they know what they actually mean. It's kinda like giving a 5 year old the remote to the TV. They know it works, they just don't know how or why. I think that words are that way with a lot of people. People understand what words mean, and what the basic definition is, but not how those words relate to life. They fail to notice the damage that words can do, and at the same time they use those words without abandon. They will use words that they know you hold dear and cherish, in order to make you feel like shit because you did something that they didn't agree with.

Words have power. But they also loose their power as they are used without regard, without context, and without heart.

Early Veterans Day....

I know, Veterans Day isn't until tomorrow. Well, I say, suck it. I'm gonna do it today. Veterans Day is one of the most underrated federal holidays that we have. Sure we have a few parades, but most people just see it as an excuse to have a day off of work. Not me. My Grandfather was in World War 2, my Father served during Vietnam, I have several friends who have given the government that blank check. And I seriously value what the military has done for me. Every freakin' day.

I value those who put their life on the line so that I can sleep at night. I applaud those who leave home and family behind to protect our country and way of life. I appreciate the fact that these people have given everything upto and including their life. I only wish that more people can see our veterans the way I do. I wish that parents would teach their kids that serving in the military is honorable.

So even though I am a day early, I would like to say Thank You to all of our Vets, and all of our current and prospective military. Know that there are those of us out here who do really appreciate and value your service.

The loss of a very dear friend...

Today I would like to take a moment to mourn a close and dear friend. We shall all mourn their passing, and with each day we shall remember those lessons that our friend tried so hard to teach us. Our friend was a great friend and now we have to pay attention to those things that we take for granted every single day. Such fine wisdom as...



It is with great sadness and weight in my heart that I must lay to final rest, our beloved, Common Sense.

Common Sense was always there when we were about to make the biggest mistakes of our lives. Common Sense saved us more than once from speeding tickets and disfiguring mutilation. It was that voice in the back of our head that yelled when we were about to get our ass kicked. It warned of scalding hot pan handles, thin ice, and sleeping with our best friends significant other. Common Sense was a great, yet soft spoken advocate for not messing with spinning lawnmower blades, or lighting beehives on fire.

Toward the end of their life, Common Sense chose to take on the name Good Sense. At this point it was realized, that Common Sense was not so common anymore. One of the threads that held us together as people, had slowly started to unravel. The final breath across the teeth of Good Sense was when some had totally abandoned everything they were taught as they proceeded to cross the street without looking, when they chose to eat the green meat, and when they figured out that plastic bags make great 'baby occupiers". But we should not dwell on the past, we should focus on the fact that Good Sense is survived by Personal Responsibly, Courtesy, Respect and Truthfulness. Although to be told, most of the surviving relatives are currently in the hospital on life support.

The 'New' Urban Dictionary

Frag-Today we are going to look at some of the odd ball bits of language that have been popping up lately. You know what I mean, LOL and netspeak, those strange and yet undefinable measurements such as butt-ton, and finally the total degradation of our language due to cats.

Fig-I can has a vowel??

Frag-So we will start with the most basic netspeak that I can remember right now..
1. LOL-Laugh out Loud, or I can't think of anything else to say.
2.ROTFLMAO-Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off...I really think what you said was that funny, or I am trying to show off my mad typing skills...
3.FTW-For the Win- This is used when something is really really cool, or when people think they are cool.
4. FML-Fu*k My Life--Usually used when the fit hits the shan, more often than not when people want attention. Also great for kids to drop the F bomb with out getting busted by adults!

Fig-Okay, so that's what all of those mean! I thought they were just random bits of text caused by cats. I mean you said we were gonna talk about cats!

Frag- We'll get to the cats in a bit. Now, have you ever wondered exactly how much a metric butt-ton is? I think we have the volume finally figured out. Now if you'll follow me here...we have 1 metric butt-ton, which is equivalent to approx 2.2 ass-tons US. one ass-ton is equal to about 5 ginormus bins, each bin is equal to about 6 OMG full bags of stuff...or you can cut out all of the conversions, and just figure that it roughly is the amount of crap that comes out of a teenagers backpack at the end of the school year.

Fig-I always wondered if there was a term for the stuff that manages to accumulate in a locker, or would that be similar to the backpack crap?

Frag-I think they are about the same. Somehow backpacks and lockers manage to warp space and time in order to be able to hold all of that stuff.

Fig-Can we talk about cats now?

Frag-Okay, fine. There seems to be a disturbing lack of proper spelling and vowel usage circulating the 'net right now. I blame the cats. Sure the pictures are cute and all, but the fact that these adorable fur balls have managed to convince us to use fragmented sentences, and horrific spelling is something that we should all be ashamed of. They have gotten us to turn a blind eye to the glaring, and often hard to understand LOL-speak.

Fig-LOL-speak?

Frag-Yes, LOL-speak. It is more insidious then we could ever imagine. Every day, with every LOL...it sneaks into our grammar and proceeds to bite and twist and destroy the drapes...It digs it's claws into the soft flesh that is proper verb usage, and leaves slimy little gifts in our nouns...We must all be on our guard...

Fig-It's sounds horrible! I mean all those cute little kittens! Won't somebody think of the kittens????

Frag-Oh, don't let their cute little faces and those adorable little ears fool you...There is a cat lobby that is right now, at this very moment plotting, and scheming to deliver the final coup de gras...reverting our spelling to fonics...It is a very dark time indeed.

Black Friday Shopping...

Hell, I figure that all of the retail giants are already talking about Black Friday, so I will give you guys a bit of a leg up.

Frag-"Well, we are back at one of the most hectic and stressful times of the year. So this year we are happy to present you with some helpful tips to allow you to get the most out of this wonderful season."

Fig-"Oh yes...leftover turkey sandwiches!" *does the snoopy dance*

Frag-"Today's subject is how to successfully shop on Black Friday. For all of you who get the Friday off after thanksgiving, it is the biggest shopping day of the year. It has become one of the biggest, most terrifying days in a retail clerks life. They get to deal with angry customers, dumb questions and short breaks."

Fig-"So are we shopping on black Friday?" Because I have the shoulder pads and the shin guards all lined up. I even touched up the paint!"

Frag-"You can go shopping if you want to, but I will be among one of the several over worked register monkeys on Friday. So here are 10 tips to help the poor retail worker while you are out indulging in low prices and long lines."

Frag-"Tip 1: If you know that all of the big box stores are going to be filled to capacity with people hung over on cranberry sauce and stuffing, go to the smaller local stores and get your small special stuff first!"

Fig-"Tip 2: If you feel the need to go to a huge store for that shirt that is going to be uber cheap, you can't go wrong with simple body checks to get to the rack."

Frag-"Tip 3: Park as far away from the front of the store as possible. This will give you a head start as people circle the lot in their SUV's looking for a place to park."

Fig-"Tip 4: Make a list of who you need to buy gifts for ahead of time and if you are on a budget, give each person a dollar amount."

Frag-"Tip 5: Make sure you have your credit card out when you get to the register. Clerks really like it when people are ready to go. This allows them to help the maximum amount of people per hour."

Fig-"Tip 6: Do not, I repeat DO NOT talk on your cell phone while a clerk is trying to help you. I don't care if you forgot Uncle Eddys favorite brand of underwear, this is just plain rude."

Frag-"Tip 7: If you add a simple pair of steel toed boots to your shopping wardrobe, you can avoid the pain of having a 4 inch stiletto heel jammed into your foot!"

Fig-"Tip 8: Remember, old people move slower. If you can maintain a brisk pace, you can beat them to the register!"

Frag-" Tip 9: With all of the kids running loose in the stores, remember to shuffle your feet. That will help to push them out of the way and allow you to gain access to the toy sections."

Fig-" Tip 10: Please be nice to the clerks. Most of them are doing this so they can survive. They don't need some soccer mom yelling at them because they don't have neon purple mary janes in Suzy's size."

Frag-"And please dear people, be nice to each other!"

Tips for winter holidays

So here is another relic from the attic....Maybe this will help some people, maybe not. And with the Hannakwanzayulemass season swiftly sneaking up on us like a hungry bear, I can recycle more of the old crap I have laying around...

Frag-"Okay, with that wonderful time of year approaching, we will be taking a break from our usual format to bring you something more...Um...Entertaining. The FIG & FRAG Guide to Graceful Gift Receiving!"

Fig-"Why?"

Frag-"Beacuse there are tons of guides out there on how to find the right gift, yet not very many(if any at all) on receiving gifts. So here are a few pointers to help people with receiving all of the gifts that they may get this season."

Fig-*unwraps a package* "Hey Where did you get this? How much was it?"

Frag-"Here *points to Fig* We have the first examples of what not to say when you are given a gift. Now we realize that not everyone asks those annoying questions when they receive something, but there are those few that do. Rule No. 1-Don't ask where something came from unless it is really cool and you want to get more!!! It makes the person that gave you the gift start to second guess their purchase. Remember, they thought enough about you to get you something. They should not feel bad because they went through the effort to pick it out.
Rule No. 2 Never ask how much something cost!!!! Once again it is about the thought and never the price. Keep in mind that people may not have much money, and they may have tons of people they wish to get things for."

Fig-"Okay I kinda see the point, but what if they got you something really expensive that you will never use?"

Frag-"Just smile, thank them for the gift, and remember that you don't have to use it unless they come over for the holidays and expect to see thier gift in use." *Points to creepy snowman candles*

Fig-"But I gave you those last year!"

Frag-"Exactly, I knew that you would like to see them out, so despite the creepiness factor, I put them out this time of year because you gave them to me."

Fig-"But what about the goofy stuff that people seem to give you every year? I mean you can only have so many bath sets before your set for life?"

Frag-In those cases, as long as you plan correctly, you can re-gift a certain amount of those bath sets and candy dishes. Which brings us to No. 3 Never re-gift a gift to someone who hangs out in the same circles on a regular basis. I would never give a gift a friend gave me to another friend if they saw each other on a regular basis. I might pass it on to a relative who never sees my friends, but not to someone who hangs out with the gift giver."

Fig-"What do you do when there are several people there and you have tons of stuff to look over?"

Frag-"Try to spend the same amount of time looking over each gift that way no one feels slighted. This shows people that no matter what you got from whoever, you care about the thought that they put into the gift."

Fig-"How do I know if I am leaving anyone out when it comes to thank you's?"

Frag-"If possible, and people are there, make sure that you say 'thank you' to everyone there. And with some people hugs are called for. If you can't thank everyone in person, it helps to write down the names of who gave you what and send 'thank you' notes or cards."

Fig-"What about people that question the gift? I mean not how it works, but say you give someone a signed peice of art, that is made by a native american, and the artist does not have a 'traditional' sounding name?"

Frag-"You calmly explain that many people with native american roots, don't necessarily have 'traditional' names. This does not discount the gift itself. People who ask that type of question, tend to look at things, and not the fact that someone made the effort to pick out a gift that they thought they would like. It is better for people receiving the gift, to keep their mouths shut and just say 'thanks'."

Fig-"Well, I hope that this will help some people with gift receiving this year, and in the future as well."

Frag-"Just remeber even if you hate the gift, you can still make the person giving it feel good."

The post Halloween Sugar Coma....

I freakin' love Halloween. It has to be one of my favorite time of the year. The weather has cooled off, the leaves are turning, and all the graveyards have extra security. Unfortunately the last few years since I have moved into my house, this, my most venerated holiday, has become a gigantic pain in the ass. Now I know what you might be thinking, it's not the decorations, it's not the bags of candy, nor the pumpkin guts. It's the people in my neighborhood.

The first year I lived in my house, I dressed up and stood on my porch handing out candy. I had parents with new-born babies telling me that the candy was for the baby. Now normally you will get one or 2 of these a night. Not in my neighborhood. They seem to out number the kids in costumes at least 2 to 1. Okay, I can still deal, but at least put forth some kind of effort! All I ask is you make an attempt at a costume. Hell, just put on a wig or do your hair. Next we have the teenagers who wear street clothes. Really, I mean come on! This is the one time of the year when you can do crazy shit and no one can say otherwise. But even on Halloween, I still don't want to see your underwear. But the initial event that made me start to cringe when the leaves started turning was this, a group of kids about 8 come to my door, not so unusual, but it was 11:00pm. Yep, way the fuck after regulation trick or treat hours.

The next year went pretty much the same, only now there was a fresh group of parents with babies, the teens are still showing off their terrible taste in underwear, and candy wrappers all over my yard. And still the determined kids trying to squeeze every drop of free processed sugar out of our neighborhood. It was after the second year when I decided to take my son to my parents house to do his legalized extortion. We had a blast and rolled home about 9:00pm and before we could even get our coats off, there was a gaggle of kids at my door. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I was trained at an early age that you didn't go to houses when the porch light was off, something about being grabbed by the creep in the dark, but that doesn't stop anyone in my 'hood. Hell, if you bathroom light is on and they can see it from the alley, you are fair game.

Last year was my last straw with my favorite holiday. I had a small pumpkin patch in my front yard. I spent all summer babying and coddling my one pumpkin that decided it wanted a chance at life, only to have it ripped from the vine weeks before it was ready to be carved. I actually cried. I was broken, and had lost my faith in my fellow humans. This, combined with past history has made this day a reason for me to be anywhere but home. And it breaks my heart. I don't like not giving out candy on Halloween, but until I can find something else, I may just have to make other plans.

I think next year I will give out Japanese snack crackers...you know the kind wrapped in dried seaweed...if you can't be bothered to be respectful to others, then can you really be bothered to read a label in a different language?

Passive Aggressive BullSh*t

Ya know what? I really don't understand some people. I don't get the way their mind works. I don't get how they can function in social situations. I really don't. And I would really, really like to know what makes some of these people tick. Now I can understand how backgrounds and growing up in certain environments can shape a person, but I believe that is only a small part of what makes us assholes tick. I ultimately believe that we are who we choose to be. But I also think there are some people that just don't fire on all cylinders. They are just a bit off, just left of center, just odd enough that everyone can notice it.

These people are the ones who tend to be passive-aggressive, and who refuse to deal with a problem at the source. They truly believe that they are not at fault at all for any animosity or bad feelings. They can't see past their noses, and are totally oblivious to the way their attitudes affect those around them. These tend to be the same people that blame their actions on their astrological signs. Now you know the type of people that I am talking about. These are the ones that I have the hardest time trying to figure out. And believe me it's not for lack of trying. I have talked with them, I have had coffee with them, hell I have even driven halfway across the country with one of them.

People are full of shit. We all are. But it is up to us to keep that shit in check for the most part. To keep it from splattering on those around us. The majority of people that I know manage to do a damn good job keeping themselves in check and not turning into a giant douche nozzle when things don't go their way. It's one of the things that sucks about being grown. Our parents, for the most part, are not around to wipe our noses and clean up after us. Yet many people who claim the title of adult, can't manage their own stuff. So they resort to being passive-aggressive and laying their problems on the shoulders of others who really don't give a rats ass.


Okay, I think I am done.

The First Snow..

Makes me all warm and fuzzy. That is until I have to go outside. Shit, I hate having a big ass truck and having the mile long scraper brush that is buried under all of the convention stuff. By the time I manage to get the scraper pulled halfway out, it has made its intentions perfectly clear...It's not moving anymore. So I fight the good fight and get it pushed back in most of the way, at least the back door will still close so the small amount of heat that is generated by the engine is not immediately sucked away.

But enough about my morning. The first snow always seems to motivate me in a way that not much else can. I think to myself, 'How nice would it me to sit at home on the couch and crochet a big ass blanket.?' Then I decide it sounds like a fabulous idea, and make my way to the yarn barn, or where ever else sells those fantastic spools of unfinished projects, and manage to find the most fluffy, comfortable, expensive, colorful, pain in the ass yarn to work with. It just happens that I have the kind of taste that you need vodka to wash out of your mouth when it comes to picking out easy to work with yarns.

Then, of course my fancy turns to Yule presents...Ah, crap. I have no idea what I am going to do this year! Full on panic mode sets in. I start spending more time in craft stores then I do at home. My husband has to confiscate the credit cards, and eventually he will send out a search party...I will settle on a small project where I can make the most presents with the least amount of capitol. Because for me, gifting someone is all about the thought that you put into the gift for that person. I would much rather have something small and handmade over something huge and store bought. One of my favorite gifts ever, is a set of crocheted tree ornaments made by my dear friend Renee. I love those damn things.

So over the last few years, as soon as the snow starts to fall, I have directed my thoughts towards the whimsicle fuckery that will be my presents for my friends and family for that year. Last year it was hand painted ornaments. I think the year before that was homemade canned stuff, and I can't remember what I did before that. I think I went a bit crazy and made a metric ass load of blankets. Now my problem seems to be, 'How in this fresh hell do I top last years gifts?' I may just see what I have laying around my house and threaten whatever I can find with my glue gun.

So as the snow flies, and I loose my mind, I would like take a moment and breathe one last sane breath before I decide that it really is a good idea to give bedazzled willy warmers to everyone for the holidays....

Fig and Frags' Guide to Retail Holidaze....

Frag- Today we are going to be talking about Holidays. And I don't mean the holidays that everyone else celebrates, but rather the ones that retail workers celebrate. So we will start at the beginning of the year and try to make some sense out of the hell that is retail holidays...

Fig-My favorite has to be "Turkey Recovery Day"! This is more commonly known as "Black Friday" for those not playing the home game.

Frag-So we start with "Legalized Prostitution Day" (aka...Valentines Day). I am not even close to being recovered from my Cranberry coma when they start stocking shelves with heart shaped boxes of goo and cheesy cards.

Fig-Oh ohohoh... I like the one that comes after that one..."Musical Nationalities"! And I love the color green!

Frag-Yeah, but the green doesn't always love you back! So After the national drunk fest that is St. Pattys, then we enter the era of patriotic holidays, you get covered in so much red, white and blue that you think those are the only colors that exist anymore. Add in the Memorial Day grilling sales, and if you are really lucky you get to add a strong dose of Cinco De Mayo into the mix.

Fig-Yeah, but the holiday everyone loves to hate is up next...Back to School! Parents love it because the kids are out of the house again, and kids hate it because they have to go back to school. Binders and pencils as far as the eye can see!

Frag-Moving out of the "Mandatory holiday" we move right into "Yet another reason my daughter can dress like a hooker day". Perusing all of the costumes and accessories this year, I was not able to find one that I would feel comfortable letting my daughter wear out of the house. Damn good thing I have a son!

Fig-But some of you...you know who you are... yes craft stores, I am looking at you...Just bypass the last one all together and move on to "Hannakwanzayulemass", or the more politically correct "winter celebration". But as you know if you have read any of this before, we are not politically correct here.

Frag-The winter season is the biggest shopping season, so it is easy to see why retailers put forth so much effort to get you to buy stuff that the rest of the year you are perfectly fine without. This is the season of binge and purge spending. Buy all of the shit that you think someone may like and if you are lucky, you won't get stuck Wit ugly dinner plates and a sweater you are allergic to.

Fig-*singing* It's the circle of life! And it moves in all things*

Frag-And finally sandwiched in between all of these massive retail undertakings, we have the little known "bring your crap back" day. These are where everyone gets to celebrate by standing in line and meeting more people who's friends and relatives don't actually listen to them.

Fig- We hope you have enjoyed our time together today, and we hope to see you back again soon!

So, How much do you think your soul is worth?

So there have been some major changes in my office over the last 3 weeks, and I am seriously struggling to decide how much my soul is worth, and by that I mean how much shit am I willing to put up with for my current paycheck. Now don't get me wrong, for the most part I like my day job, and I like the steady check, but where does one draw the line? How much are skills worth now? When I look at the Jobs on Craigslist, I see people who want a freakin' Bachelors degree for a $10 per hour desk job. And while I do realize that this is an employers market, I think the expectations are getting just a bit ridiculous. Soon they'll be asking for a Masters to flip a fuckin' burger.

So I have to decide if coming home and being in a shitty mood for the rest rest of the day is worth that steady check at a job that I used to love the hell out of. I still love my job for the most part, and it is not the day to day activities, but rather the people who pile on more work, and turn every little thing into a major emergency. When they want something done, they want it done now. It doesn't matter if you are in the middle of a call with a customer, or if you have a 3 foot tall stack of paperwork that you are trying to get done so you don't end up being behind. Hell, I can even understand when they need to have a report run, that just takes a few seconds. But what hits me in the head is when they talk to your customers and don't tell you all of the information you need to get your job done. Then ultimately you wind up looking like a total douche canoe.

I keep hoping that the atmosphere will settle, and while I realize that not even I am immune to change, I think I would like those who are trying to make the changes to think first before giving unrealistic demands. Hell, maybe this is just a short term thing, and I am getting worked up over nothing. I just want to go to work and do my job. I don't want to do your job, or your secretaries, or your GPS', or even your concierge. If I am going to wear all of these hats, then I think that my 'soul' is worth quite a bit more than you currently do.

Good movies to curl up to...

I love Halloween. And I mean I love halloween like a fat kid in a candy store. It has to be my favorite freakin time of the year. Not only do you get to pretend to be something else, but you can come up with the most twisted costumes and no one says you're a freak or a weirdo. I think I love it so much because it gives us time to escape ourselves, if only for a few hours. And so without further ado I bring you the LIST...This is the list of my favorite scary movies that I am going to watch throughout the entire month of October, not in any particular order...

1. Freaks-This is a killer old black and white flick about circus folk, deception, revulsion, and the coolest part has got to be the human torso (read no arms or legs), lighting a cigarette...no special effects to speak of, it was made in the 1930's. A must see for anyone!

2.Jaws-Killer freaking shark, small town, need I say more? This is a movie that I watch all year round!

3. Alien-The original, creeptastic, latex body suit, KY gel horrorfest. This scared the crap out of me when I was much younger, but now it's like an old friend who you don't get to see all of the time.

4. War of the Worlds-Now this one has to be seen in the original, not of that Tom-what's his nuts. Magnetic watches, Sci-Fi alien ships, creepy sound effects. The only thing better is listening to the original radio broadcast.

5. The Exorcist-The Classic good vs. evil. The extended version is way better than the original. When the girl crab-walks down the stairs I almost spit soda out of my nose.

6. The Haunting-I guess I love the oldies, I perfer this version of the original to the re-make with Liam Neeson and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Some good old shocking moments cannot be made up for by special effects.

7. Night of the Living dead-Has to be one of the best old-school zombie movies ever!!! I believe that this one shaped the vast majority of films we have today, and it was one of Romero's first.

8. Pet Semetary-One of Stephen King's finer books, I still get twitchy when the little kid goes darkside...nothing creepier than little kids...

9. Silence of the lambs-uber fuckered up canabalistic shrink...need I say more?

10. The Lake-This is one of the films that I believe are starting to come out of England...This one a group of kids terrorize a couple...and it goes down hill from there. I like this one because to me, the ones that have a high probability of happening are scary as shit.

11. The Others-Mom and kids are in an old English house, and everytime they try to leave, all they see is fog. Now, it's not so much the premise of the movie as it is the acoustics of my house. At one point in the movie, it sounds like someone running across a wood floor, well, my house has wood floors and I shit you not, it sounded like it was in my living room.

12. Children of the Corn-Corn, kids, farm implements, and Linda Hamilton...3 resons I don't particularly care for Nebraska.

13. The Serpent and the Rainbow-Explore the world of Voodoo Zombies in the search for a new medical use for zombie dust...Some truly disturbing images. But being buried alive takes the cake.

14. C.H.U.D.-A group of chemically altered mutants living under the streets of New York, feeding on the homeless...A dirty corporation disposing radioactive waste in tunnles under said city...

15. Dark Water-The Japanese Version is 10 times better than the American Re-make. I mean we come up with some great horror films, but the japanese have the creep factor nailed! I think it has to do with their particular view of ghosts and whatnot.

I will probably do another list of scary and not so scary movies in a bit. If you have a movie that you think I would like, let me know and I will write a review! Or at least as much of one as I can write drunk off my ass!

Loyalty, and the lack thereof...

[loi-uhl-tee]

–noun, plural -ties.

1. the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

2. faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.

3. an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.

 

So I had an eye opening experience here recently. As many of you know, I was stuck in the hell that is Jury Duty. Now in my former job, this wouldn't have posed much of an issue. However I have come to learn that most companies only want to do the bare minimum as required by law. So as a result of giving a whole freakin' week to do my civic duty and sit on a boring ass trial, I get screwed all the way around. And for reasons that I am not able to expound on currently, the timing of this whole thing sucks. I had no vacation time left at work, see above reasons, and so my employer decided to only pay what was required by law, which amounts to $50 per day.

 

So, as I said before, I got screwed. I ended up loosing about $400 all said and done. Now given the state of the economy, that will fuck anyone up. And I am still waiting for my check from the state for the 2 days of service that they owe me. All of the paperwork said it could take 6 weeks for me to get my compensation. Now I have to get creative and sell some shit to make the bills. And I don't have a ton of bills, but I do like to eat too. I do my best to save for shit storms, but sometimes it happens to the best of us. I don't have car or bike payments outside of insurance and gas, we don't have cable, we live within our means, but all it takes is one hiccup to screw up your month.

 

So when I talk about loyalty, it goes both ways. A person should be loyal to the company that hired them, and in turn the company should be loyal to that employee. Given what my company has done, I can see why people only stay in jobs for 2-3 years at a time. By just doing the bare minimum, and saving a few bucks, I now am going to be working as much overtime as I can get my hands on in order to make up for what I lost. Now I wouldn't even consider doing that if the company had just paid my regular wage, now it is going to cost them way more in taxes. I am not doing this out of spite, or to be vengeful, but because I need to in order to survive. Hell I have 3 jobs and this is the only one that pays regularly. I started at Etsy store in the hopes of making a little on the side, but so far it has been 3 months and not one freaking sale.

 

I don't like it when companies and people spout things about honesty and loyalty yet fall through when the metal hits the meat. It pisses me off and then I start to question if this is the right job for me.  I know this one is kinda bitchy, but I am sure that I am not the only one in the free world to have had their carefully laid plans scrapped by the system..

 

 

Meh, maybe it's just a Monday.

 

 

 

 

 

Halloween in Schools...

 I wrote this when schools still allowed kids to have costumes and they didn't get the day off because the administration was worried that people would feel left out or offended. Now none of DPS students go to school on Halloween. They don't even acknowledge that it is a festival for people of different faiths. They have just erased it from their little bubble.

Frag-I have decided to bring you a rant about Halloween in schools...and how some people would like to get rid of it totally.

Fig-But I like Halloween! It gives me a chance to scare little kids out of their candy!

Frag-I am sure that you could be considered part of the problem for that one! Now in school we have 'diet halloween'. No masks, no weapons, no fake blood, no 'scary' costumes. I mean really, imagine the Grim Reaper with out his Scythe! What next, does he get to carry a bunch of flowers instead? How cool is a zombie without being at least a little bit scary?

Fig-*puts down the chainsaw* So let me get this right, you can be a princess, a ghost, a pumpkin, and any other run of the mill type thing that people encounter every day, but you can't try to come up with the creepiest costume you can imagine, because you can't wear it to school?

Frag-Yep that pretty much covers it. Not to mention the fact that people are saying that you need to get rid of Halloween parties at school because it takes up valuable teaching time.

Fig-Don't people remember when they were in school? Halloween parties were cool and you know that they had fun when they got to show off their costumes. I think that they are trying to take the fun out of school. Let's see how boring we can make it for kids.

Frag-You have a point there. If Halloween parties are taken out of school that leaves kids with Valentines day, and Christmas holiday parties. That's it. Talk about sending the wrong message. Just look at valentines day-sponsoring romance in elementary schools. *tisktisk*

Fig-*grabs pint of fake blood* Well, since we are no longer in school, we can still scare the snot out of the little kids begging for candy!

Frag-Sounds good to me! Hey pass the blood!